I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
