you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
