Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
