So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
