Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
