I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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