he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
