You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
