i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
