just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She made me pour olive oil on her.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
