I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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