they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
