Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
