Me too!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
