I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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