You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
