i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize
