How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
