I could have mohawked her pubes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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