There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
