Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
