Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
