I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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