The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
