it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
