I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
