Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
