I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
