Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
