Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
