Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
