Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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