I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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