i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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