I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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