I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
