I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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