I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
