i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
