She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
