Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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