i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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