I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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