He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
