i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
