When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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