Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
