she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
