She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
