Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
