Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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