can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
