I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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