You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
