This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
