My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
