She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
