She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
