apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
