You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Green mimosas i think yes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
