Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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