Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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