For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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