i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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